You're driving me ZINsane!!

OH, HAHAHAHAHA did you get it!!?? I said ZIN-sane instead of IN-sane! Oh can my drollery ever be stopped? Such whimsy! Oh, this shark is on a roll today!

Seriously though, Zinfandel is a real shark's wine and Robert Sharker just loves it! It is the color of fresh, healthy, oxygen-rich blood; its bold, dark berry flavors and lustful acidity make it a delightful match for anything from the smallest mackerel to the fattest, hairiest New Jersey beachgoer. There is nothing subtle about these wines, yet the best among them maintain a ballerina-like grace. How can I resist them?

Easily. Lots of them are SHIT!

Yes, this is a "rant" post. I'm sorry, you're probably busy so I'll try to keep it brief.

I'm fed up with all these Zinfandels popping up on the market with all their "catchy" names which are supposed to be a "clever play on words" or something. "Sin Zin", "Zen of Zins", "7 Deadly Zins", "BraZIN"- these are some of the worst offenders. I can overlook a gimmick if the wine inside the bottle actually delivers but so many of these wines are just no good. Big, thick and syrupy with alcoholic contents in the high teens, these drink like crude oil from a freshly sunken tanker. This is what you get when the big beverage conglomerates sink 95% of their budgets into design, marketing, and advertising, and only 5% into the juice itself.

What I'm wondering is how long can they repackage the same wine with a different label before people notice? Ever wonder why so many California wines in the $10-$15 range taste exactly the same? Because they are! These Zins are just somebody's leftover juice with a million-dollar marketing budget.

Here's a message to the suits. The legal drinking age in the United States is 21 years old. That means your cutomers are adults with brains. Just put some GOOD wine out there! We're tired of being treated like children. People LIKE wine; it's an easy sell. You don't need all these gimmicks to convince them to try your wine. And for those of us with Oxford degrees, the gimmicks get quite offensive after a while!

But having said that, if anybody at Constellation Brands, Pernod Ricard, or Deutsch is reading this and you think "ZINsane" could become a hot brand for you, just make the check out to Robert Sharker.

I'm serious. Let's talk. I have lots of other good ideas too.

-Robert Sharker