Weinhof Scheu Spatburgunder 2007. 91pts and GREAT with human ceviche!

Ahoy, fellow enophiles!

It has been a few days since my last post and for that, I apologize; it seems finding a reliable Wi-Fi hotspot beneath the ocean has been remarkably difficult lately. I would call Verizon about the problem, but then they might discover I've been stealing the Independent Film Channel all this time! Oh, we mustn't have that now!

But this is a wine and food blog, not a technology blog. I digress.

As you can imagine, lemons are a rare and expensive culinary treat here in the ocean! They must either be pilfered from a sinking cargo ship, or purchased on the surface when one of us successfully infiltrates human society in disguise (...yes, we walk among you incognito. Terrified yet?). Needless to say, their difficult procurement means you will pay TOP dollar for lemons here below the waves, making them fit for a "special occasion".

I was recently in Miami (incognito) for a major trade tasting, and knowing my wife's birthday was coming up, purchased a few lemons to bring home to her. They are so cheap up on the surface! You humans practically give them away! Anyway, I figured I would use these to make human ceviche for her birthday which is one of her favorite dishes. Of course I married the one with expen$ive tastes...

Quick and easy recipe for human ceviche:

-1 young adult human (caucasian is easiest), blood drained and chopped into bite-sized squares
-juice of 8 lemons and/or limes
-1 large onion, coarsely chopped
-3 cloves garlic, minced
-1 jalapeno, finely chopped
-1 bell pepper (red or green), finely chopped
-1 handful of fresh cilantro
-a pinch of sea salt and freshly ground pepper
Combine the human chunks and juice of 4 of the 8 lemons in a closed tupperware container, and refrigerate for 2 hours. Then drain the juice, adding the juice of the remaining 4 lemons along with the remaining ingredients. Refrigerate for 1 more hour. Garnish with cilantro and serve. Makes excellent tacos!

I didn't feel like pairing my human ceviche with any of the usual suspects like New Zealand sauvignon blanc or Australian riesling; for this occasion, I wanted to do something a bit more challenging and special. Now, red wine is notoriously difficult to pair with any citrusy flavors and I've never had much luck with it but tonight was going to be different.

Enter Weinhof Scheu '07 Spatburgunder. In case you're from Alabama, "Spatburgunder" is German for "Pinot Noir" and Germany produces a fairly large amount of it, mostly from the Pfalz region. If there was ever a red wine to work with a dish brimming with lemony acidity, I knew this could be it.

First of all, let me gush about how good this wine is on its own. It's everything pinot noir oughta be and best of all, it will cost you $20 or less. It's quite an attractive alternative to Burgundy's ever-climbing prices I must say. Fairly light-bodied, it is packed with wild strawberry, raspberry, and not-quite-ripe cherry flavors with an earthy undercurrent. It absolutely beams with the same razor-sharp acidity for which Germany's best rieslings are so famous.

It's this acidity that enables this Spatburgunder to pair so well with such a zesty, citrus-based dish. It was a match made in heaven! So few red wines contain such a focused laser beam of acid and still manage to pack a complex and full palate of fruit flavors. It's an impressive balancing act. Each sip mingled perfectly with the flavors of the ceviche before cleansing the palate, preparing me for the next bite.

Can you tell I loved it? This baby gets 91 points from Robert. I bet it could drink well for a few years, but it would be a shame to lose that youthful acidity. If you're looking for an extremely food-friendly, affordable, and downright interesting wine, look no further.

Do you have another recipe for human ceviche? Hit me up. Robert Sharker and Mrs. Sharker are always ready for new experiences.

'til next time,

-Robert Sharker

You're driving me ZINsane!!

OH, HAHAHAHAHA did you get it!!?? I said ZIN-sane instead of IN-sane! Oh can my drollery ever be stopped? Such whimsy! Oh, this shark is on a roll today!

Seriously though, Zinfandel is a real shark's wine and Robert Sharker just loves it! It is the color of fresh, healthy, oxygen-rich blood; its bold, dark berry flavors and lustful acidity make it a delightful match for anything from the smallest mackerel to the fattest, hairiest New Jersey beachgoer. There is nothing subtle about these wines, yet the best among them maintain a ballerina-like grace. How can I resist them?

Easily. Lots of them are SHIT!

Yes, this is a "rant" post. I'm sorry, you're probably busy so I'll try to keep it brief.

I'm fed up with all these Zinfandels popping up on the market with all their "catchy" names which are supposed to be a "clever play on words" or something. "Sin Zin", "Zen of Zins", "7 Deadly Zins", "BraZIN"- these are some of the worst offenders. I can overlook a gimmick if the wine inside the bottle actually delivers but so many of these wines are just no good. Big, thick and syrupy with alcoholic contents in the high teens, these drink like crude oil from a freshly sunken tanker. This is what you get when the big beverage conglomerates sink 95% of their budgets into design, marketing, and advertising, and only 5% into the juice itself.

What I'm wondering is how long can they repackage the same wine with a different label before people notice? Ever wonder why so many California wines in the $10-$15 range taste exactly the same? Because they are! These Zins are just somebody's leftover juice with a million-dollar marketing budget.

Here's a message to the suits. The legal drinking age in the United States is 21 years old. That means your cutomers are adults with brains. Just put some GOOD wine out there! We're tired of being treated like children. People LIKE wine; it's an easy sell. You don't need all these gimmicks to convince them to try your wine. And for those of us with Oxford degrees, the gimmicks get quite offensive after a while!

But having said that, if anybody at Constellation Brands, Pernod Ricard, or Deutsch is reading this and you think "ZINsane" could become a hot brand for you, just make the check out to Robert Sharker.

I'm serious. Let's talk. I have lots of other good ideas too.

-Robert Sharker

Santadi Villa Solais Vermentino Di Sardegna 2008. 90pts.

Ahoy, enthusiasts!

Ah, Vermentino...boy do I love this grape. Particularly when cultivated in Sardegna (that's "Sardinia, Italy" for those of you who went to public school). Like a good oyster, a good Vermentino Di Sardegna tastes of the sea. Not the smelly seashore packed with ugly beachgoers, but rather the cold, clean expanse of the deep blue ocean. Home, sweet home. Briny, minerally, slightly metallic, and crisp. It is a late-ripening grape, often planted facing the sea in order to benefit from the reflected light of the ocean. One sip of a well-made Vermentino and one will experience the beautiful communion of pristine ocean, ancient volcanic soil, and pure ripe fruit from centuries-old vineyards.

Is there a better wine to complement a small octopus swallowed alive and whole? If so, I haven't found it.

Cantina Santadi is a winemakers' co-op in Sardegna founded in the '60's, and their Villa Solais Vermentino Di Sardegna is sourced from vineyards on the southwestern coast of the island. Their 2008 offering pours out a pale, straw-yellow color. Immediately apparent on the nose is the grape's signature salinity along with seductive anjou pear and orange blossom aromas. On the palate, we've got more pear, some Fuji apple, citrus, a bit of cantaloupe and that wonderful clean, salty quality I always look for in the grape. What sets this particular Vermentino apart from most that I've had is a somewhat creamy, viscous mouthfeel. Perhaps due to extended lees contact? Not really sure, but it works. This texture could help it pair up with even richer seafood such as Ahi tuna or monkfish liver.

Very nice wine here. You should be able to pick this up for $13-$16 depending on where you live. Of course I stole my bottle off a sinking luxury cruise ship, along with some tasty, elderly ladies. There's always that option.

Salud!

-Robert Sharker.

Robert Sharker is back AND on Twitter!

Greetings fellow connoisseurs,

Robert Sharker is back from his boys' weekend in the brackish waters of Pennsylvania and let me tell you, things got a little out of hand! Lets just say that more than a few skinny-dipping young ladies went "missing" this weekend...but don't tell Mrs. Sharker!

This will just be a short post since I haven't had a drop of wine in days. They wouldn't know a Premier Cru in Pennsylvania if it fell out of their fanny packs! I just wanted to pass along the good news that I am now on Twitter!

You can follow me here: https://twitter.com/robertsharker

Now I'm going to get back to following this dipshit swimmig WAY too far from the shore at dusk!

Wish me luck

-Robert Sharker

Robert Sharker is headed to Pennsylvania!!

Hello friends!

I just want to let you all know that there won't be any blog posts for the next few days. Me and a bunch of my shark pals are going to see how far we can swim up the Schuylkill River in beautiful Pennsylvania before the freshwater proves too much for us! Our goal is to at least make it into the Blue Mountain region for some camping, drinking, carnage and good ol' bro-time. I realize this isn't exactly wine country, and this may surprise you but I enjoy Yeungling Lager! I do also enjoy the German/Polish/American cuisine which has developed throughout the region over the generations. Oh, such good times await!

I want to thank everybody for making this blog such a success in such a short period of time! I am overwhelmed by the positive response I have gotten from you all and my only hope is that my wine-bloggery can continue to be worthy of your attention.

If you have any suggestions for dining and drinking establishments in the Schuylkill River Heritage Area, please let me know! Hit me up at robertsharker@gmail.com. And if you'll be in the area this weekend, keep your feet out of the water! Or else my friends and I will drag you down and rip you the hell apart...

Until next time!

-Robert Sharker

Cloudline Pinot Gris 2007. 89 pts.

I know what you're thinking and you are wrong. Sharks don't ONLY drink red wine! Our cuisine isn't just hearty scuba divers and big, rich walruses. It's far more varied and eclectic than that, and quite often the flavors just too delicate and subtle for a massive red wine. Of course it's front page news on the rare and great occasion when we manage to eat one of your humans, but more often than not, we're eating....well...seafood! Sea turtles, lobsters, scallops, squid, fish of every kind. Pretty much everything but aquatic plants. Leave them for those salad-eating whales! If only I could open my mouth a little wider, you'd see far less of those beatniks clogging up the ocean!

But I'm getting off the subject already...

My point is that more frequently than you might expect, our cuisine calls for a crisp, nuanced white wine with good minerality and acidity. One such occasion occurred the other night while patrolling off the coast of Oregon, my wife and I cracked open some beautiful, big Dungeness crabs. Earlier that day, I had picked up a bottle of Cloudline Oregon Pinot Gris from '07 and it sounded like a perfect match!


If you're unfamiliar with Cloudline, it is the second label of Domaine Drouhin in Oregon. And if you're unfamiliar with Domaine Drouhin, you've been missing out on some of the finest Pinot Noir and Chardonnay made right here in America by one of Burgundy's biggest names. Needless to say, those wines don't come cheap. Prices for Domaine Drouhin wines start in the $40s, whereas Cloudline's most expensive wine is usually found in the low $20s. And since my 401k tanked last November, I've become quite the Cloudline fan...

The '07 Pinot Gris is 100% steel-fermented; it pours out a bright golden-yellow with a bouquet of baked apple, peach, pineapple and hibiscus. On the palate, it is surprisingly tropical yet lean with lemon zest and mouthwatering acidity. A chalky minerality and a tiny bit of spritz bring it all home. One hell of a seafood wine! This is far leaner and to the point than most of the Oregon Pinot Gris out there, which for me can be a little flabby sometimes. Clearly a more Alsatian style which is fine by me.

I give it 89 points. It might drink well for a year or two, but it'll be best tonight. It was an excellent partner with Dungeness crab and I can't wait to try it with Giant Sea Turtle!

Util next time,

-Robert Sharker

Calix Ltda. Primor 2007. 90 pts. And UN-Googleability is a good thing!

Hey everybody,

I realize that I'm known as "The Ocean's Premier Wine Expert", but sometimes that's more than even I can live up to. I mean wow, what pressure! There's an awful lot of wine out there and I'm only one shark. Sometimes I get stumped, ok? But being stumped can also lead to the joy of discovery- something that is increasingly hard to find.

Last week, I was following a school of tuna along the chilly Humbolt current all the way down to beautiful central Chile where I met up with my old pal Fernando. He's a Combtooth Dogfish shark, which is to say he's an antisocial hermit who spends most of his time near the ocean floor. Good guy though if you know him like I do. We used to call him "Stretch" back in the old days.

Fernando, like me, has an unusual enthusiasm for wine and has turned me on to many great South American producers over the years. During this visit, we spent a few days gorging ourselves on fatty tuna, albacore, and of course Chilean sea bass. As a parting gift, Fernando gave me a bottle of red wine called "Primor" from the Aconcagua Valley just north of Casablanca. It's an '07 vintage and bottled by somebody called Calix Ltda, whom I've never heard of and despite several Google searches, cannot track down anywhere on the internet. Fernando wasn't much help either; he got a couple of bottles at his local wine shop out of curiosity and being the shy loser he is, didn't ask any questions.

All I know about this wine's background is what's printed on the label, which tells me that it is a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, and Merlot. No idea what percentages nor any info about oak treatment. I forgot to even ask how much he paid for the bottle.

Now I found this lack of background info to be exciting, and it was a rare feeling in this age of on-demand information. I had no expectations and the wine had nothing to live up to. My only criteria for reviewing this wine was my own pure enjoyment (or lack) of it.

Tonight my wife and I were eating some children and decided to give the "Primor" a whirl. It poured out a deep red/not quite purplish color. Immediately I caught the aromas of just-baked cherry pie, dark berry fruit and a touch of vanilla cream. The palate was quite consistent with the nose, with medium tannins and a very refreshing race of acidity towards the finish. VERY good stuff, quite food-friendly, and I'd predict that this would drink well for the next 2-4 years.

I called up Fernando (...not a cheap call) because I just had to know how much he paid for this bottle. When he replied $10,000 pesos, (about 10 dollars) I almost shit the bed! I know a lot of you snobs out there won't even look in Chile's direction, but I'm telling you this is where it's at for budget wines. And give these vines 30 more years and I think they will rival the finest Pomerol, which will likely all burn up in a human-related nuclear holocaust by then anyway...

Anyway, Calix Ltda Primor 2007. It's a Chilean Bordeaux blend. If you can find it, it's fabulous and cheap. Let me know if you know anything else about it. I would include a photo of the label, but apparently there are none online and digital cameras don't work well at this depth.

Cheers!
-Robert Sharker

Target's unbreakable polycarbonate stemware gets two fins up!!

What's this? The noble and sophisticated Robert Sharker is endorsing plastic stemware? Yes friends, it's true. And if you're half the clumsy ass that my wife and I are, you'll totally understand!

Allow me to tell the story.

Recently I was dragging this pathetic, DMB-listening, blonde-dreadlocked surfer dude below the waves to his bloody, watery death. But rather than simply accepting his fate like a real man, he starts in with the old "I'll just repeatedly punch this shark in the nose until he lets go" routine. People, I've said it before- it just doesn't work! It only makes us more mad!

I decided to teach this granola-eating prick a lesson.

I took him down a couple hundred feet to my dining room for what the crocodiles call a "death roll." That's when you bite down hard and do a few barrel-rolls until their spinal cord just snaps in half! What I hadn't realized was that my wife had already poured out two glasses of '03 Harlan Cabernet and set them out on the kitchen table. Without realizing what I was doing, I accidentally swung this asshole across the table and his head sent the two glasses flying! I gasped in horror at what had happened and dropped his severed torso to the ocean floor. It was a real bummer watching all that $400 Cabernet Sauvignon float away, but there was so much blood in the water you couldn't tell what was what!

To my amazement however, the wine glasses were still perfectly intact. "What the hell's going on here?" I asked my wife. "You like that? I got them at Target today" she said. I picked the glasses up and realized they were actually made of plastic! I mean they really looked like the real deal; they had excellent clarity, nice weight and balance, a smooth bowl to lip transition, and perfect stem circumference!

I couldn't believe it. And the best part is that you can pick up a set of 4 of these glasses for around $20. These unbreakable beauties have since become our everyday wine glasses around the house. Are they a good replacement for your Riedel Sommeliers series stems? No. Absolutely not. Save those for when you have guests over. Use the plastic Target glasses every other day. Check 'em out for yourself right here:

Target Wine Glasses

And before you all start sending me angry emails accusing me of "selling out," you should know that I have not received any payment from Target for this blog! I'm a regular guy just like you looking out for a good bargain and sharing it with you whenever possible. And if you're a clumsy fuck like me, you'll thank me for this later.

Salud!

-Robert Sharker.

Domaine Moulin-Tacussel Chateauneuf du Pape 1999. 88pts

I pulled this bottle from my underwater cellar for dinner the other night. I had purchased a case in the Mediterranean back in '02 (before the Euro was such a killer!), and it's been drinking well over the years. This was my last bottle and i knew it didn't have much longer to live, so I decided to give it one last whirl!

The color was an attractive ruby red, and the nose contained strong aromas of tobacco with a bit of graphite and thyme in the background. Most of the wine's original fruit has faded away except for the slightest impression of dried cherries and red currants. Its aged tannins are mild but still grippy. Still some nice acidity and a vigorous rush of black pepper on the finish.

This isn't a wine for the everyday Yellow Tail sipper. You'll need to be a hardcore Chateauneuf buff to really get into this one, and you'll need the appropriate food to harmonize with its weighty, earthy flavors. My wife and I had this wine with an old fisherman who leaned too far over the boat while retrieving a striper. Fortunately for us, he must've been a heavy smoker most of his life and the tobacco notes in both the wine and his body played very nicely off of each other.

If this bottle is in your cellar, drink it NOW as it will be headed over the cliff very soon.

Cheers!

-Robert Sharker

Welcome to Robert Sharker's Wine Blog! Now a little about me...

Ahoy!

Welcome and thank you for reading my innaugural blog post. My name is Robert Sharker and I am a 52 year-old Great White shark who just loves wine! Now i realize it sounds strange- a shark who appreciates fine wine? You're right for thinking it's strange because I am a true anomaly . Wine is regrettably not a big part of shark culture, which is unfortunate considering that we have arguably the world's best palates! For instance, did you realize that we can smell 1 single drop of blood in 1,000,000 drops of water? So of course I can detect the subtle interplay of wild raspberries, sage, tobacco, and vanilla in a nice red burgundy! That's mere child's play, and i'm tired of your human wine critics receiving all the credit (...and payoffs$) for something that I am SOOOOO much more qualified to do!!

But I digress...

Most sharks aren't the least bit interested in wine. For the most part, my peers just robotically cruise the world's oceans, mindlessly and joylessly chowing down on smaller fish, seals, and the occasional surfer. They have no idea how much their enjoyment could be enhanced by integrating simple but good wines with their cuisine.

I used to be just like them...

I grew up in the waters off the coast of the Northeastern United States. My family was fairly typical for the time; we always ate well, but the food was pretty standard. Cod, Bluefish, and a careless swimmer here and there. On Thanksgiving, we'd migrate to my grandparents' house off the coast of Maine for a nice meal of blubber-rich sea lions followed by an afternoon of football, but that was about as exotic as it got. And there was no such thing as wine in our household. We had saltwater with every meal and my old man always told me we were lucky to even have that!

That all changed for me the summer after my senior year of high school when my buddy Chummers and I went hitchhiking and backpacking across the waters of Europe. What a different world! The flavors were so new and exotic! And everybody drank wine with every meal! Chummers and I were especially psyched about that part because there wasn't even a legal drinking age! It was around this time that i became aware of the concept of terroir; that a scuba diver from northern Italy tasted completely different from a scuba diver from southern Italy. That a red wine from Bordeaux was completely different from a red wine from Provence- and for many, many reasons. This was fascinating to me. Even more fascinating was that these wines made my food taste better! Even MORE fascinating was that a local wine tended to pair better with the local cuisine. Was it mere coincidence that a Portuguese fisherman tasted better when consumed with a nice Touriga Nacional? I thought not.

But that was a long time ago..

I'm a middle-aged shark now, and over the years i have developed an immense appreciation for wine from all over the world. In the coming blog posts, I will uitilize my God-given palate to bring you the most accurate wine reviews in order to help you make informed decisions as a fellow wine consumer. Undoubtedly, there will also be hijinks, mischief, rants, raves, and tangents as we explore this world of wine, culture, and bloodshed together. I'm looking forward to it!

Sincerely Yours,

Robert Sharker.