Shark hysteria in New England and some exciting dinner reservations!

Ahoy, friends!

Wow, things are getting crazy up here in New England!

First and foremost, the secret is obviously out- that is in fact me, my wife, my parents, and a couple of my wine buddies you have been watching on your TV, swimming off the coast of Cape Cod in recent days. My, we have certainly caused quite a media feeding frenzy haven't we? Those dramatic aerial shots of the big, menacing shark cruising along just off the shore of Chatham? Yes, that's me, though not from my most flattering angle.

And congratulations to the "scientists" who managed to attach satellite trackers to my poor, elderly parents. All they ever do is slowly swim between Wal-Mart and the Ninety-Nine restaurant for the early bird special...man, that satellite data is going to get boring real fast! That was grant money EXTREMELY well spent, sirs!

You can read the full, disgusting story here.

And for more biased, sensationalized "news", here you go:

http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090906/NEWS/909060328

Look people, I'll lay it out for you. We are in the area for a number of world-class wine tastings taking place in Boston this month (which will be the focus of numerouse future blog posts). We're not going to eat any of you. With the abundance of juicy, fat harbor seals in the area this time of year, why would we settle for some bitter, stringy Massholes? The Liberal Media has always had it in for us sharks, so try to ignore them. Please, just leave us alone and stop trying to tag us!

But if you did manage to tag me and my wife, I bet you would be very surprised to track our movements all the way to Le Bernardin in Manhattan next month! I was going to surprise her for our anniversary, but I just can't keep the secret any longer!

"But, why would sharks choose to dine at a seafood restaurant?"

It's an obvious question. It does seem rather strange that of all the fine restaurants in the world to choose from, a couple of sharks would choose a seafood restaurant for their anniversary dinner. The reason is chef Eric Ripert's bold and imaginative interpretation of a cuisine that I take for granted on a daily basis, often swallowing whole before it has a chance to swim away! His wine staff also does a great job with some outside-the-box food pairings. I've never seen so many older red Burgundies on a seafood restaurant's wine list, but somehow it works.

Eric Ripert and I are actually old friends and he always treats us very well at his restaurant. He always provides us with a private dining booth where we can remove our disguises and enjoy our meal in peace. Nothing ruins my Escolar with seared Kobe beef like some old broad shrieking in horror just because there are a couple of Great White Sharks sitting at the table next to her!

For years, I have been encouraging Eric to add Seal and Walrus dishes to his menu; Walrus Carpaccio being one of my absolute faves! But he keeps telling me "Zee FDA zimply vould not allow eet". Whatever the hell that means...

Nobody listens to Sharks.

-Robert Sharker.